Saturday, September 6, 2008

Come on Cosmo, seriously?

This article was touted by a link on Yahoo as "The #1 Trick To Deepen His Love For You".

Rather than go and read the article yourself, let me tell you what their answer is: think positive!; ask yourself why you're upset when he does something annoying (and, of course, then deny that it bothers you); never bitch about him to your friends (in fact, just ignore all that stuff that you would say to them during vent-sessions); and turn around all those nasty habits, thereby ignoring them, and make them positive effects on your life. He's messy? No! He's "laid-back and not controlling", and you should be grateful that you're cleaning up after such an awesome dude!

There are so many things wrong with this article, but the first one is the title: "the #1 trick to deepen his love"? "The secret girlfriend weapon"? Excuse me, but the secret to a happy relation is emphatically not denial. Men may be complicated when it comes to their careers, their hobbies, their politics, but when it comes to relationships, the "#1 trick to deepen his love" is head. It sounds sexist for me to say that (both against men and women, wah, oh well), but it's true. The patented, trademarked Girlfriend Secret Weapon is oral sex.

See, the thing is, men are physically stimulated before they are mentally. If you do something that feels good, that he enjoys (and I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that all men enjoy getting good head... in fact, I'll go out even further and say that all men enjoy getting even moderately adequate head), he's more likely to stick around long enough to get to know you well enough to realize that you're pretty awesome. Of course, he shouldn't be treating you like a fleshlight, and if he does, DTMFA, but that's not my point.

My point is, Cosmo is wrong. Not only is it wrong about the fact that denial being the secret to a happy relationship, it's wrong in even assuming that women shouldn't be bothered by the annoying things that their partners (of either gender) do. While, yes, women who get insecure about not getting an immediate response to a text message need to get the fuck over it, when your partner does something that bothers you rather than "question[ing] why you're upset" and subsequently ignoring being upset, do the unthinkable and talk to your partner. Tell him! (or her, because I try really hard not to pretent that lesbians don't exist -- quite frankly, I like my sister and prefer to acknowledge her existance and the existance of her wife, even if I do it in a seemingly-pandering sort of way).

In all honesty, the secret to a happy relationship is communication. Verbal is the most direct, but non-verbal body language (and understanding that the mess you left in the bedroom may be contributing to his overall demeanor of nastiness) is also vital.

And, of course, oral sex. Don't for get that.

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