This past year has been quite trying for me -- no, not all of the secular year 2013, mostly events followed the Jewish year 5773 -- but I'm tired, again, of focusing on this that make me sad. As such I've decided to highlight the highlights and remember the good things that happened this year...
10. Starting to make art again
I graduated from art school 6.5 years ago, but until July this year I hadn't made any art of any real substance (for a number of reasons), so when I had the desire to PAINT ALL THE THINGS 6-ish months ago, it was a big deal to me. I've been able to get so immersed in my work that I've also had a bit of a career change! Ha! This was all made possible by...
9. Moving back to Seattle
Almost immediately after my dad died, Ten and I put the condo up for sale and it sold in 5 days! So, we hurried up and found a nice place to live in Seattle. Not only has being back in an urban environment boosted my creativity, it's also let me be in much closer physical proximity to a few people I really really want to be closer to, geographically speaking.
8. Two birthday parties with one boyfriend at each
It would have been more epic if both had been at both parties, but I think I'll try to make that happen this year... or maybe it's more fun to have them take shifts, I don't know. Also, Jack brought me yellow roses and purple carnations (my color, his color, respectively), and that really made my day.
7. Taking my granddaughter to see Macklemore
I had a random opportunity to score a couple tickets to see Macklemore, and so I invited the grandpony, but Toolmaker didn't tell her what we were going to do. So she asked. I said "how much do you like/hate surprises?" "Kind of hate them." So I took a picture of the tickets and she freaked out. Later on she told me it had been a good thing she was sitting down, otherwise she would have fallen over. Of course, when we got to Seattle Center I locked my keys in the car and broke my phone screen, BUT I still won Best Grandma Ever so it was ultimately all worth it. Plus, Macklemore*.
6. Gaining a granddaughter cuz my Dame got married
I learned this year just how precious daughters are, and I'm really grateful I have a grandone now; even as I've** lost my Dame.
5. Dame and Toolmaker getting married
So proud. They did it right. Luckily, they also did it twice. I'm really happy I got to be part of both iterations.
4. Being able to unashamedly spend time with my dad
The last few months and weeks of his life were really hard, but I spent as much time with him as I could, and I learned a lot more about him than I think I would have otherwise. I wish I had done more, but I'm glad for the time we did have.
3. Falling in love again
Ten and I had a really hard second half of 2012, but we managed to get thru and fall back in love (see #1). I also began falling in love with Jack this year. I really adore the slow crawl into loving someone in that well-rounded boring-to-outsiders kind of way. I also really like just allowing my feelings to exist in a drama free environment where they're accepted rather than held against me. Even better: being able to have that level of investment with/in another person without having the conflict as to the whole relationship escalator business.
2. That moment when I stopped hating my body and desired the touch of my lovers again
Part of the reason the end of 2012 was horrible was because I got really wrapped up in the eating disorder again. I had to go back into it to heal it, but that meant I starting having issues with physical intimacy (there were other contributing factors to this as well). Early in 2013 I was able to let go of the narrative that my body was bad, that I made bad choices with it, and that no one could ever enjoy touching it and being intimate with it. When that happened, I suddenly had desire again! And the desires I had were entirely my own, and directed to men who really appreciate my form and reciprocated the desire in its entirety.
1. Deciding with Ten that we would conitnue our current level of commitment and celebrate it with legal paperwork, jewelry, and a party
We're not getting married. We've spent a lot of time over the last couple of years deciding what our relationships with each other and other people would look like and decided that marriage really isn't our speed. We've got a different arrangement, one marriage doesn't really fit into because we've both got the solopoly-ish thing going on. But, as the Aziz Ansari bit goes, we decided we just wanna keep hanging out until one of us is dead. The paperwork will be a formality that only takes effect in the event something awful happens to one of us, and the rest is just gonna be a party to celebrate our relationship (which is awesome, so the party will be awesome***), and a ring to let a little tradition show thru.
*Whatever, homeboy done good.
***There's gonna be a taco bar. And DJs. But no cake.