Friday, January 25, 2013

An unexpected rain (Week 13)

This is Maimonides, our newest family member.
This week has been interesting, although I don't think that's a bad thing. Stressful, yes. But most weeks are like that anymore, so I think I'm getting used to it. Also, I got a fish.

I've been struggling a little more with some depression and anxiety, but I don't think it's any more than it was when I started my recovery. Then again, I feel these moments of incredible, transcendent joy that come out of no where and just bring light into my eyes.

The week began with a pinched nerve in my neck, and I'm not entirely certain it's not ending that way too. On Sunday, the Emperor took me to our family doctor, who cracked my bones and gave me a scrip for some pain meds. I, of course, took the pain meds (with food*), and laid on the couch for the rest of the day (probably watching Star Trek). We went to bed around 11pm, but I didn't take another dose of my meds because pain meds mess with my sleep... so I was in bed, awake, until 2:30 at which time, I came out into the living room and watched The Late Late Show** on my laptop. I did take another pain pill at that point, and started falling asleep during the show, but when I turned it off I was wide awake again.

3:30am doze
4:30am AWAKE!
4:35 doze
6:34am AWAKE!

And I wanted to listen to the Stephanie Miller coverage of the inauguration, so I turned my radio on at that point and half-listened, half-slept for another hour or so. At 8:30 when the inauguration was supposed to begin I turned on the tv and watched the second inauguration of our country's first non-white president. I love President Obama, so it was kind of a big deal. 

I then spent the rest of Monday half-asleep on the couch with episodes of Star Trek on in the background because I was only able to sleep with the tv on. I don't know why. 

Tuesday was less interesting, although I wish I had gotten more work done, and Wednesday was interesting for other reasons... but Thursday was very stressful. However, despite the stress of Thursday I both had breakfast AND took a snack with me during my appointments and errands (including seeing my dad during his chemo appointment). Afterward, the Emperor and I had a nice dinner for date night, and both got long, much needed nights of sleep.

Today... today I got a fish (see above). I ate my leftovers from dinner out last night, and we even went on a walk to wish the trees a happy tu b'shevat (Jewish arbor day - or the birthday of the trees). I find a few areas a little lacking still -- I would like more intimacy, exercise, and vegetables -- but I'm finding my body image improving and that's a big deal. I've nearly completed my workbook, and have listened to several audiobooks that are building me back up.

As I go forward, I think I'll do more writing on the ideas that have been growing in my brain while I've been growing through this journey. I've learned a lot about what is real and what needs to change, and I'm excited to explore those with you.

*PF Chang's Gluten Free I-don't-feel-good Special: egg drop soup and kids fried rice with a little bit of chili paste
**that I can't watch it on my phone is a crime against Rachelity.

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