Interesting thing happened to me today. I was sexually harassed by a couple of 15-year-old boys while walking my dog. As they were walking up behind me, they started doing the 15-year-old equivalent of cat-calling, which I ignored because it was impotent and unoffensive. However, it was clear that they were trying to get my attention the way male humans attempt to do when they see an attractive female human.
Anyway, my dog stopped to do some dog thing and the boys passed me. As they walked by one of them said of my tits "I bet they're fake anyway." I laughed. "Oh please," I said, "you're like half my age." Then I thought to myself, I wish they were fake. There would be so much less upkeep and I wouldn't have to worry about them sagging down to my knees when I'm old. (It later occurred to me that by the time that starts to happen there will be a Mary Kay product that prevents such things from happening.)
The whole experience got me thinking though, why are accusations of fake-tit-ness considered an insult? I mean, who gives a shit? This isn't my real hair color, (and at the moment it's pretty obvious), but no one would try to insult me by saying "I'll bet that's not your real hair color" (they might point out rudely that my roots are showing, but I already know that thankyouvermuch), especially as retaliation for ignoring his advances. Yet somehow I'm supposed to be insulted by someone who isn't even old enough to drive thinking that my tits are fake? I don't get it.
The implication, of course, is that only slutty bad girls would have fake boobs. And of course, it's not okay to be a slutty bad girl (whatever that means anyway), so it's okay for 15-year-olds to try to hit on you if you look like a slutty bad girl. Had they been a couple of years older, had I not had my dog, they might have been more aggressive (in which case I would have had to take off my Mary Kay pins and defend my honor by busting some skulls and calling the cops).
It's fabulous, really, this thought process that goes on in the minds of some men and boys. You're obviously a slut in a good way so I'm gonna hit on you, but if you ignore me you're a slut in a bad way so I'm gonna tell you what I really think about you. These guys don't understand that we already know what they think of us the moment they start harassing us in the street. We know the second a douche-y little wanna-be gangbanger (and we're talking white kids from the suburbs, so he's more of a wannabe-Shadey than anything else -- which is also amusing for a kid from Lynnwood) starts trying to pick us up in that douche-y little wanna-be way: he thinks that because I'm wearing a skirt, or because I have big tits (that fwiw, are 100% my own fat grown in that part of my body because that's what my genes demanded), I'm a piece of meat.
The funniest thing, though, is that this kid wasn't more than 15. I can see a 25-year-old thinking that he might have a chance so why not say "hey hott stuff" or something inappropriate like that, but 15? Really? First of all, illegal. Second of all, I wouldn't even want to touch him because boys that age have a hair-trigger ifyouknowwhatImeanandIthinkthatyoudo. Third, I'm gonna have to be at least 55 before being half my age will be an acceptable criterion for a guy to whose sexual advances I respond. Finally, where the hell did a 15-year-old work up the chutzpah to hit on a fully-grown woman? Video games? Rap music? Or is it just one more example of the asshattery going on in the world this week? The quadfecta of douche-y diatribes is completed by this little pip-squeak? Well, at least he accomplished something.