Doing Something Different Part 5

The Power of Affirmations

I have the privilege of discovering at a very young age that I have power over my surroundings. Part of this is the woo-woo spiritualism that I grew up with, and part of it is just simply practical experience. I always got what I wanted when I was younger, and not because I was spoiled (although some might make that accusation), but because I figured out how to make it real. Now, some things didn't become real until a decade later, but looking back I can tell you that the way I imagined my life would be at 27 is remarkably similar to how things actually turned out. (A few minor differences: the man I thought I'd be married to is dead, we don't live in a castle on the Peninsula, and I don't own a tattoo shoppe. The basic premise is the same: happily partnered, have a really great life, and own my own business.)

Now, I know some people will say "those two things have nothing in common! you're just using post-diction to prove your predictive ability!" I wouldn't go so far as to accuse myself of post-diction, but what I will say is that I decided at 17 that I would find "The One" within a decade, and set about making it happen, by getting over enough of my baggage that I could be recognizable to the person who now holds the code name Schmoogie.

Another instance of this was getting through art school. First I had to get in, so I visualized myself in that place, and set about making it happen. I also completed art school using that very same technique, and I'm pretty convinced that when I look back in 13 years as a National Sales Director (although, I really don't want to take that long to get there...), I'll find my life to be remarkably how I imagined it would be. And so all that time I spent in my little fantasy world as a teenager ended up working to my benefit, not only with the immediate escape it provided from my circumstances, but by giving me a vision of a better life that I could achieve.

The biggest tool that I use in this is, as you might have guessed by now: vision. What's it like? What's my world like? Where am I? What am I wearing? (I actually now own a dress I fantasized about when I was 14.) What am I doing? How do I feel? Now, act as if...

Some of this writing is me chronicling my journey, some of it is me writing trainings that I'll give when I'm a director and beyond. I imagine that I am talking to the people who will see me as their leader, and try to make it real for them aswell, even though by and large we don't really know each other yet. 

Anyway, the best affirmation I can offer is to see yourself where you want to be so vividly that you're able to reverse-engineer it, so to speak. If that's not your style, I'm sure there will be something else that is and works just as well to get you where you need to be.

Do Something Different Part 4

Replace Habits with Discipline

I sometimes get a little snarky and say that America learned all the wrong lessons from WW2, namely "work will make you free", and get scowled at by my Polish-immigrant boyfriend (he's legal, it's cool), who spent his formative years driving distance from the place that had that sign hanging on its front gate. Of course, those of you who know me at all got hung up on the first 5 words of this sentence and need a moment for the rest of it to set in.

There we go. All together now? The fact of the matter, however, is not that we learned the wrong lesson, but rather that this sign was a bastardization of a truth (a policy which enabled Voldehitler to become so powerful in Europe in the first place), and that truth is that discipline will bring you freedom. It's not just the work part that's important, it's the discipline.

Here's what I mean. Below is the morning routine of someone who is working from habit:

8am: get up, get dressed, eat coffee, drink donut, arrive at work/desk

9am: pick nose for an hour and drink more coffee

10am: check email, Facebook, twitter

11am: start trying to do something productive

12n: lunch! hooray! 

I know I am guilty of some of this too, so don't feel like I'm trying to tell you how much better I am at working from discipline rather than habit; but let's take a look at the morning ritual of someone who's working from discipline:

8am: get up, get dressed, eat a good breakfast

9am: sit down at desk and figure out action plan for the day

10am: begin with item 1 on action plan, continue in this vein until it's time to take a break

12n: lunch! hooray!

This goes back to the segment on planning your work (which was really more of a time-management lecture, cuz I'm good at that), but the main difference between these two days is that on the first day, we'll call it Monday, I'm on auto-pilot and I don't really want to be productive, but on the second day, we'll call that Wednesday, I'm working with purpose because I've been nag-couraged by someone who loves me and wants me to succeed.

A lot of being self-employed is dealing with this vacuum left by not having someone hovering over your shoulder telling you what to do all day. You know what needs to happen, and when you decide to be disciplined about your work, you do it, but it's also really easy to pick your nose, drink coffee, and surf Facebook for two hours before actually doing anything. The other thing is setting your own hours and deciding that right now is blogging time, and not working time, working time will come later. Of course, that requires follow-up and getting some stuff done during your working time that is supposed to happen later.

You don't have to be perfect at this, (which is good, because you never will be - speaking as much to myself as anyone else), but you do have to practice on a daily basis. Have your morning routine, have your getting-ready routine (including music that makes you excited to start your day), but also make sure that part of whatever you end up doing before starting your day in earnest involves taking a look at your action plan. Being self-employed means that you are entirely self-directed in what gets done during your day, and that means you can't just float through the day doing whatever: you need a plan.

What's important to remember here, is that if you don't take the time to discipline yourself, someone else is going to do it. And if you're like me, you'd rather cut off your arms and legs with a chainsaw than ever work for anyone else ever again. So, get crackin'.

Hardwired for Struggle...

Lately I've been hearing a lot about a study that came out about how students who are left to struggle with a math or science problem will end up being better at math and science because they learned how to get the answer, rather than someone telling them how to get the answer. This reminded me of Brene Brown's TED talk a few years ago called The Power of Vulnerability. In it she discusses how we are born "hardwired for struggle" and "worthy of love and belonging".

Now, maybe being worthy of love and belonging isn't going to affect a person's ability to FIO when set a math problem or puzzle, or sciencey-something, but I think the fact that we don't grow up learning this from the start does have an effect on our willingness to wait it out and struggle for the answer; do the work to get the result. It's like that episode of The Simpsons where everyone (even Ralph) understands a visual puzzle before Lisa, and she goes through what amounts to an epic identity crisis for an 8-year-old (including a dream where she grows up and rents movies from "the libarry" for her brood of children). For some reason, a lot of us think that getting the wrong answer makes us less worthy as human beings. It's endemic in our culture and our education system, and I don't know anyone who doesn't struggle with feeling worthy of love and belonging.

Dealing with this struggle wrongly, however, is at the root of a lot of our problems as a culture. Let's start with the fact that our education system lags significantly behind the rest of the developed world when it comes to math and science. Struggle = bad. Being left to FIO = bad. We have to teach kids how to write a perfect paragraph, and take a stupid test, rather than teaching them skills like critical thinking, how language works, and why science is cool (and at least we have the Mythbusters for that last one, but it's still not sufficient). Curiosity is devalued, while absolute expertise is exalted. Consequently, not being an absolute expert in a given area prompts us to give up on that area. Not having immediate and significant success in any given arena, whether it's a high school math class or being a business owner, means "I suck at this forever, might as well give up."

Lately, I've been struggling through some self-sabotage (actually, that an impulse control are two big challenges for me). Namely, when I start seeing some really good success from something, I stop doing that thing. It's weird. I believe in this business. I believe that it can and does work, and I really really really want to be one of those people for whom a Mary Kay business delivers significant successes. So why do I get trapped in "I suck at this forever, might as well give up" mode? Because I have WAY more practice at that way of thinking. And while it is as simple as changing my behavior from one of habit (quitting) to one of discipline (working anyway, even though I don't feel like it or whatever excuse I made up that day), it's not a very easy task.

But we're hardwired for struggle. My challenges are going to be stories to help others overcome their challenges, just like yours will. We exist to connect with one another. Similarly, the challenges, horrors, heartaches, and disappointments we experience while attempting and failing at making those connections and solving those problems have a purpose. Not having to deal with self-sabotage precludes me from being able to teach someone else how to deal with it. Knowing this doesn't make me get over the fact that I am unintentionally doing things that impede my success, but it does make the struggle worthwhile.

Strength is not a trait a person is born with. You're not born strong. You're born imperfect, weak, and helpless. Through struggle, physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual, we gain strength. Not having a certain strength doesn't mean that you never will, it means you need more practice. I heard someone say once "if you are always the smartest person in the room, you need to be in a different room."

Struggle is not the same as failure. Acknowledging that something is difficult for you is not declaring "I suck forever, might as well quit". If a baby-anything refuses to struggle, it dies. That goes equally for baby birds, and burgeoning business owners.

Doing Something Different Part 3

PLAN YOUR WORK, WORK YOUR PLAN - I really don't think I need to go too much into depth on this step. The thing is, you can't just wish yourself into success, you have to act. A lot of my problem over the last couple years is that I thought that I could just wish myself there... wherever "there" was supposed to be. Turns out you can't do that, you have to act. 

Start with a goal (or as Stephen Covey taught "begin with the end in mind"), and a time frame (I'll write a post about goal-setting too), and then break that goal down until it's in daily chunks. For instance: if I want to make 100 new contacts in 100 days, I need to talk to at least one person everyday. That brings us to the Daily Action Plan. I use a form similar to this journal every*. Single. Freakin. Day. In it, I write down my 6 Most Important Things (6MIT), my appointments, occasionally a reminder to eat lunch, and track the Income Producing Activities (IPAs - so when you hear me talking about that, I don't mean beer**), new contacts, and whatever notes or reminders. It's a great system and I highly recommend it if you're having trouble creating or sticking to a daily action plan.

(*Unless I'm sick or on vacation.)

(**Unfortunately.)

The Daily Action Plan is for daily time management, but you also need an organized bigger picture. My calendar has spaces highlighted according to the priorities Mary Kay herself taught: faith first, family second, and career third (but not 33rd...); I have spaces highlighted according to the following system and it works for me, your mileage may vary.

G-D: this time is private and set; I don't work on Friday nights with very rare exceptions, and only work a maximum of 2 Saturdays in a month

Health: this is a sub-category of the G-D time because sometimes I need to remind myself of the sacred duty of taking care of my instrument (including setting reminders to have lunch... and sometimes other meals)

Family/Social: we're a single-car family, so I need to sync my schedule with my Schmoogie, and also spend time with him or go do stupid things with my friends

Career: this takes up the bulk of my time, as do the careers of most people I know, but it's also the most flexible. I have a system set up for this too, but you don't really need to know about it. 

Admin stuff/busy work: only stuff that can't be delegated goes into this time. YOU MUST DELEGATE THINGS YOU ARE NOT REQUIRED TO DO. I think that's a huge sticking point for women when it comes to time management. We think we're supposed to do everything because that's what we're used to, turns out the dishes get just as clean when your husfriend does them; the goodie bags actually look nicer when your assistant assembles them.

So, wrapping it up... There are a lot of strategies for growing your business, but the one thing all of the successful ones have in common is action. A lot of people can go through a job working for someone else without really learning how to manage their time, and there are even some people who can be very successful in business (in the short term) without having a daily action plan, or having any idea what's going on from one day to the next. However, if you want to sustain your successes you really want to at least think about having a longer term plan than just 8am-12n, and 1pm-5pm. 

Doing Something Different Part 2

BE GOOD TO YOUR BODY - I think we get really bogged down about our bodies. The fact of the matter is, not a one of us is our body. We aren't even our brains or minds. Your brain is part of your body, your mind is inside your brain, and also a part of your body. I may have lost a few of you by now, but recognizing and owning the fact that you are the consciousness asking the question, rather than the meat sack that is answering it, makes this whole body-taking-care-of thing a lot easier. It's like taking care of a pet. A needy, whiny, lustful, sometimes annoying pet. And you know, when a beloved pet is not doing well it's really hard to get anything done.

Whatever size you are, accept it. Wear clothes that fit it, have a style that looks good on your body, and don't obsess over trying to change the size or shape of your body. That's step number 1. Steps 2 and 3 aren't about changing your size and being thinner and thinking that thin=happy/healthy/attractive, but rather about functionality. 

Accepting my body's size does not mean that I eat whatever I want and don't give a shit about exercise. Accepting my size means that I eat for a healthy mind and productive lifestyle and exercise to make sure my brain is getting enough blood to make everything work; rather than being entirely focused on, as Margaret Cho has said "trying to fence in my body".

For me, my ideal diet limits sugar and other simple carbohydrates (grains, potatoes, etc), maximizes vegetables, and gluten is completely eliminated in any and all forms, but especially those forms which contain sugar. That's not about losing weight (but it would be a nice side effect up to a certain point), it's about my health. Gluten kills me; sugar is an addictive substance that I need to stay away from; vegetables are good for me and need to be in everything. Meanwhile, exercise increases blood flow to my entire body, limiting the damage done by whatever sticky-wickets are involved in fibromyalgia (or accidental wheat exposure), AND makes me smarter by increasing blood-flow to my brain.

Your ideal care plan is going to be different, but I would highly recommend doing some reading of actual books (not blogs). Lights Out! by T.S. Wiley is a good place to start learning about how evil sugar really is; I've also heard good things about this book, although I haven't read it myself. I would also recommend talking to your doctor about food allergies. Wheat allergies/sensitivities are way more common than people want to believe, and while Celiac is still taught to med students as being so rare that they will probably never see it; it's actually fairly common but most people don't have or know they have symptoms until after trying a gluten free diet for a while and suddenly everything is in color.

Doing Something Different...

You have to do what you've never done before to get what you've never had before.

I can't remember the exact quote because the original does some horrific things to the English language, but that's the basic idea. Then there's the celebrated Einstein quote "Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that caused them."

That doesn't just apply to problems, it also applies to feeling stuck or needing to get to a new level in a venture. The thing is, we get stuck in our habits and those habits either build us or destroy us. As Jeff Olsen teaches in The Slight Edge (which looks to have been re-released...), either your habits take you up the success curve or down the failure curve... and for a long time these two curves look a lot alike, but there comes a point where your curve either jumps UP dramatically, or jumps DOWN dramatically, and the thing that determines that is not luck, or God (or Dog for that matter), or the lottery but your habits.

So this week I will be discussing some habits that I have taken on that have helped other people jump up onto the success curve. Here's the first:

NEGATIVE THOUGHTS WILL KILL YOU - I've talked about this before, but the bottom line is, your brain does certain things with certain patterns of thinking. Positive thought patterns open you up to new possibilities, clear your thinking, and make living a little easier; negative thought patterns put you into a state of protection, and it becomes hard to process objectively because everything is viewed as a threat. It's the same thing with "playing to win" versus "playing not to lose". Playing-not-to-lose is not playing to win. These two things are VERY different and use different chemicals in your brain in creating the mentality. You are not your brain, you control your brain (to a certain extent) and therefore have the ability to choose which of these mindsets you want to have. It takes practice, and you have to be aware of your thinking, otherwise you'll just settle into your old patterns.

Tony Robbins taught me to ask myself these three questions in order to make myself be mindful of my thoughts:

1. What am I focused on? (What thought pattern am I using?)
2. How do I feel about it? (Is that good or bad?)
3. What am I going to do now? (Keep it or throw it out?)

Awareness, analysis, action. By following those steps (and doing other things to keep your brain and body healthy) you will be able to control your thinking and negativity won't creep in and KILL YOU.

Gah... migraine...

It's been a mean couple of days. I guess I wanted an excuse not to work, cuz I sure as shit got one. Currently, I remain under the adjective-for-really-bad-and-mean rule of a migraine. This time 'round (and they don't happen very often), I believe it to be a reaction to having the gorham flu (yes, I was watching Firefly all day yesterday, why do you ask?), which also could have been a wheat-exposure, but I doubt it because Schmoogie is also lethargic and flu-ish-feeling (not the vomitty kind, if you're curious, which you now are not). Side note: HA! Diagram that also too in addition moreover you betcha!

Anyway, I got up early today, thinking I could get stuff done cuz my head wasn't exploding with adjective-for-really-bad-ouchy-burny pain, but that sensation didn't last and my head is now back under the dictatorial (that's the word I was looking for) reign of Kim Jong Migraine. I'm naming this migraine for the North Korean dictator because one of my symptoms last night was all of the color draining from my field of vision. Yeah, brains are weird (it's not cancer, we played House on Wednesday and ruled out sarcoid, lupus, cancer, and epstein-barre).

So, this was way more personal that it usually is, but I figure the internet really doesn't care about my problems so I can whisper into the void about them if I want to.

...says the Time Lord

I started getting really excited about stuff about an hour before the transit started (the little black dot is Venus, the giant purple thing is Sol aka the sun), and kinda bounced about doing laundry and various other things for most of the day...

Then it was time for meeting, so I took care of that (after making a delivery to a new client), and made a few calls before going in and sitting down for 2 hours. I realized something, though, because after talking to the first person I called, who is excited about Mary Kay, I didn't want to make any more calls. It was weird. I had a success and I almost sabotaged myself for the rest of the day by refusing to make anymore calls. I felt really weird about it... I mean, I spent most of the day preventing myself from getting anything done (if I was smart I would have done all of my homework BEFORE the transit coverage started, rather than putting everything off so I could watch a black blob slowly cross a red one), so it's no surprise that I attempted to continue this trend, but it really bothered me.

I see this pattern in myself all the time though. Success is followed by resting upon my laurels (and Mary Kay always said "nothing wilts faster than a laurel rested-upon" or something to that effect), which is followed by panic. It's a weird little habit that I really don't understand, and I suppose that I mean to get to the bottom of it so that I can make that not happen anymore... 

I'm doing better. I caught myself last week and said that things aren't going the way I wished them, rather than the way I planned them (because they are going the way I planned them... because I failed to plan until it was too late to earn above a C); I did continue making calls today too. I made at least 5 more, and talked to 3 real people, who had real language barriers with me. The funny thing is, I'm not worried about the rejection, I'm worried about them saying "yeah!" and being excited. And that really frustrates me, because at the same time I get really frustrated when appointments postpone or don't book at all. 

So there's this frenetic battle going on inside me between the part that's frustrated by success and the part that's frustrated by failure. There's a part saying "what am I doing?" and a part saying "why isn't this working?", and a third, rational (ha) part that knows what's going on and knows what's supposed to happen and where I'm supposed to be and what I'm supposed to be doing and it says "why are you guys fighting? shut up already". That third voice is getting stronger, which is a good thing, but I'm still baffled by the fear-of-success voice. 

I tried, once, to work out the fear-of-success thing with a life coach, who wanted me to call a WAAAAAHmbulance. Thinking back, that should have been my last session with that coach, because this is still an issue I need to work out, and I don't really have much guidance on it. I get that life is supposed to be messy, and I get that my thoughts create my future, and so I think about the good stuff all of the time and create away... then I get into situations where I HAVE EXACTLY WHAT I GAVE MYSELF IN MY IMAGINATION (my life right now looks a lot like the fantasy life I dreamed of when I was 17), and freak out about it.

It blows my mind how incredibly powerful I have made myself - and I really have, no one gave me this gift, I learned how to manifest my dreams myself. My mom told me once that I did everything to get myself into art school, and I KNOW that wasn't the first time I manifested something I wanted. Knowing, really knowing in the depths of you that you have the power to create anything you want is kind of paralyzing. I don't think I know anyone who really gets that...

So, maybe that's the fear. Not what I can't do, but what I can. Not that I am weak, but like that quote which is often mis-attributed to Nelson Mandela, that I am powerful beyond measure. But impatient. And "urgent for a finish lie-ee-yii-eye-eee-ine". Perhaps this fear is that it will all be taken away after I create it (that's some deep damage right there), so by throwing it away at least I lose it on my own terms. I really don't know. 

In the meantime, I'm taking action. I'm living, or trying to live, from a place of service, creating a better life as I go and trying to remind myself that what is in the past is still mine and that I own that past. I'm trying to teach myself to accept that I this power I have is immense but not immediate.

"Everything takes time..."

"Says the Time Lord"

Shit. I did say that, didn't I?

I like to swim...

Fairly easy day today... a few reorders, nothing huge, but I'm not going to say no to my customers (it's bad for business), also looks like I've got a booking too, so I'm happy about that.

I did go to the pool today, and that was nice. I think I should do that more often and maybe start to make friends with the other people who go there during the week... we'll see. Stranger -> Friend -> Customer -> Hostess -> Recruit, right? It's not a universal thing, but hey, you never know!

So, a bit of housework, bit of shopping, and mostly taking it easy today. I love my life.

"You excel at FIO. You are adaptable, smart, courageous, and always figure it out!"

My daughter just shared a link on FB that made me want to share a little about adaptability...

In my world, the world of Mary Kay, in the Future Richter National Area, we have a lot of little phrases and initials and things to keep us going, or so that we can identify traits in each other, etc. One of them is FIO: Figure It Out. It's that little thing that says "okay, I don't know enough people to make a million dollars tomorrow... how am I going to make that happen..." (I'm exaggerating for comedic purposes*, but you get the idea.)

So, these three letters identify and remind us of the concept of adaptability. Things are not turning out the way I planned. This isn't going how I want. My life is a mess. My house is a mess. My dog needs an eyeball-ectomy**, and I could probably use some cranio-rectal-inversion therapy. FIO. Figure it out, Rachel. What are you going to do to make this work? How's that bill going to get paid? How's that goal going to be met? Who's going to be your next offspring sales director?

The thing is, I excel at adaptability. I started this whole adventure because things weren't going the way I thought they were going to. So far, I've kept myself afloat (with minimal financial friction from the Schmoogie, who has gracefully accepted the duty of what we might call "putting [me] through school"), kept the doors of my business open, and figured out a way to even move forward step by step because I am a champion at adaptability. I want everyone to be a champion at this, but it's an incredibly difficult concept to grasp, apparently.

Life is messy. Life is uncertain. Life is full of all of these little disappointing things, and all of this stupid little bullshit, and there is always something that can stand up and give you an excuse to quit. Sometimes those excuses are really compelling too: pain, loss, grief; joy even. Sometimes they're people who think you're doing something unwise because they can't separate their reality from yours, and they don't understand that your brain works differently; or they fear that whatever comes next in this adventure might take you away from them; or they're jerks, that happens too.

You NEVER run out of excuses for things. Doing them, not doing them; putting them off until tomorrow. But, if you're adaptable, if you take up the mantle "LIFE IS MESSY: FIGURE IT OUT" and decide that that is how you're going to live, then those excuses become less compelling. Eventually, all excuses look exactly as they are***, and you learn that the thing you were going to do that had to be changed because some circumstance wasn't perfect ended up working out better than you had hoped in the first place.

A personal anecdote to make that last point a little less obtuse: I had been working in an office (and I loved it there, the people were great, my boss was cool, and I got to go buy beer every Friday at 4:30 on the company dime), but the bottom fell out of the economy and as the last hired, I was the first let go. It was cool though, because I had this business sitting in my lap not really doing anything. My last day was February 5th, 2009, and I took the LSAT the next day. Two weeks later I had had 6 or 7 fillings and a trip to the emergency room because it felt like I was giving birth out of the side of my face; and I had shingles... and I had to get 5 or 6 MORE fillings because my dental insurance was about to run out. My first party of the new stage in my business was the following Saturday. Guess what I did?

I put on my damn pantyhose (and my shingles were on my leg, too), and I sold over $200 at that party. I interviewed the hostess (who remains a life-long BFF, but decided MK isn't for her), booked the guests into events, and moved forward with my plan. I figured it out. 

It also turned out that the whole LSAT thing was unnecessary because I decided that being laid off was the best thing that ever happened to me (11 fillings and shingles not withstanding), because it forced me to figure out some other way of realizing my dreams. I wasn't happy about it, I liked that job. I liked the laziness I was allowed in working for someone else, and all of the perks that were offered because that business was solid and able to offer benefits to its employees. But I was support staff, under-utilized, and had a really bad attitude to boot. Being laid off forced me to see my situation from another perspective. It forced me to FIO. It forced me to adapt, and it doesn't matter how much discomfort I have experienced since, because that discomfort forced me to adapt and grow and I think it saved me.

And I'm not exaggerating that time. 

*I do that.

**Exaggerating for comedic effect again.*

***Bullshit

How are your grades?

When I was in school, my mom and I worked out a deal: at report-card time, I would either be paid or fined for my grades. A C was breaking even, As and Bs received cold hard cash, and Ds or Fs would result in fines... usually I walked away with $60 or so, but I'll bet I could have negotiated a bonus if I got straight As.

Anyway, this whole concept of the Base Acceptable Minimum got me thinking about that whole grading system thing, and how the money didn't really motivate me to do anything more... but now that I'm older being able to chart my progress and see where I am and what could be improved or how I can more accurately track myself. (The whole concept of tracking has really impacted me in my pursuit of self-employment.) So, I developed a grading system for how much and what types of work I'm doing.

I earn a C for doing the base that is expected of my by my family: paying my bills. I don't get any extra rewards for that, aside from the knowledge that I'm not going to have to ask the Schmoogie to bail me out on a couple of things. For more forward momentum, I earn a B, and by being an absolute rockstar in June, I get an A. Am I setting that bar too high? I mean, for what I want, it didn't seem like too high a bar when I set it.

Anyway, I shared the tracking/grading sheet thing with my director, and I'll see what her feedback is and if she thinks there's anything that needs adjusting. 

Oh, and the weekend was great... how was yours?

Happy Friday!

Let's do a week in review, shall we?

Monday I suffered from a wheat exposure, but decided that I had to get stuff done anyway, so I decided to simply suffer... and suffer I did (feel bad for me yet?). Meanwhile, elsewhere in the... here, SIFF opened and runs for about a month. If you need info on the Seattle International Film Festival, you have Google so go nuts.

Tuesday was the Pinterest for Business workshop taught by social media maven, Tracey Warren  with Ready Set Grow Marketing (@readysetgrow). I blame this workshop for the post about Pinterest. Later, the Schmoogie returned from his man-cation, and we had a great welcome-home party. Also, an age old question was answered...

On Wednesday, I had a mental breakdown when my appointment canceled, then got a whole bunch of new ideas (supported and fed by the Schmoogie), and went to the TBT annual congregation meeting for sugar and connection with my community. I don't know what else happened in the world on Wednesday, because I really don't care.

Thursday, I kept up the work I began on Wednesday and barely made enough money to get some bills paid. I'm pretty excited about that, actually.

And today has been Follow-Up Friday. I remember hearing that you have to "touch" someone 8 times or more before they become a customer, so I performed touch #3 for a few different places, and found out I won't have a weekend booth at the mall (which is okay, because it was kind of short notice and there are extenuating circumstances).

This week, I worked way less than 40 hours (including marketing, booking, and delivery time), but I discovered what I need to know and do for my BAM and that makes the week a win. I think the hardest part of this business is being able to set my own "syllabus" (so to speak) and do what needs doing in order to make the grade. The expectation can't rest on whether I sell enough to pay my bills, but rather on several criteria which make up a complete month. You could call booking one class, selling another, sharing/recruiting another, and leadership as yet another; plus the humanities classes of "The Mary Kay Way" and "How to Freak Out and Then Go Back to Being Productive in 15 Minutes or Less". Pretty sure I audited the sharing/recruiting "class" this month, because I did do some work, but I'm not going to get credit for any of it since I didn't do enough work.

There are still 5 days left in the month. 5 days during which I can have a few more appointments and actually meet my BAM for May. 

HOWEVER it is Friday, so Shabbat Shalom!

Oh god, not another social media thing...

I'm on the Pinterest now. And I spent WAAAAAY too much time today getting it all set up before I have any followers so they're not inundated with my pins. (I should also mention the pun in my little description at the top... the Schmoogie laughed way too hard when I told him about it.)

So, what's the point of this? Well, I'm "building my brand". I might even start a board for my unit when we're, you know, more unit-y. For now, I'll keep it mostly personal and try to set a good example for other Mary Kay consultants who want to be on the Pinterest (that's why it says that "my oPINions are my own"), and "build my brand" (see, I really am a businessperson, I use buzz-phrases!). 

I was slightly productive today, though, aside from all the pinning. It looks like I'll be paying another bill this month (yay!), and my BAM (Base Acceptable Minimum -- I'll do a jargon post one of these days) is in sight. I hate that it's the END of the month and I'm getting excited about achieving my minimum, but the fact that I have a minimum that I can express in absolutes, and achieve with a little digging in is kind of a big deal.

Yesterday, the Schmoogie expressed that he thinks the first few years of my business were about learning how to do it wrong, but now, this year, I've gotten really serious about it and he's seeing changes in me he hasn't before. Of course, it was also mentioned that I can't expect huge changes in my business because I've been consistent for a few weeks. I roll my eyes at myself when typing that, but it's true. I don't know why I expect myself to change everything overnight, but I do expect that for some reason. Everyone around me believes in me SO MUCH, so why can't everything change overnight?

Well, I know what I need to do, and I'm in the process of doing it, so trusting the process... and knowing that at some point I'll have enough momentum that the process will work itself and I'll settle into a nice workin' groove.

A new... well, a new something anyway

The only thing standing between you and success is you unchanged.

I changed today. It wasn't a big change, it may not even be one of those changes that anyone else would notice, but in my heart and soul, I changed. I gave up on quitting. I realized that through service to my community I will find ways to achieve the ends I seek. I realized how vital the Schmoogie is to my sanity, growth; and how much I really need his support.

I also realized that there's never a bad time to start something new or over again. In fact, one really should be starting over every morning if one wants to be honest with one's self. I've decided to use this platform, not to argue politics as I had been for so long, and not for social commentary either; rather, I've got a journey ahead of me, and I'd like to use this platform to document that. It probably won't make much sense to you, unless you're also a Mary Kay consultant or on a similar journey, but bear with me as I think things will get quit interesting and exciting.

This kind of platform really isn't made for mass consumption, so I think I'll just speak to the few who may be interested to listen and go from there.

On tolerance...

"I hope you've all learned a very important lesson today. Just because Mordechai's people are different from us, and just because they may appear strange to us with their furry hats, beady eyes, and long sideburns, not to mention their bizarre customs and unnecessarily gutteral funny-sounding names. Just because they control ALL of the world's money, yet they are too cheap to buy their children anything better than spinning tops for presents, does not mean that we can't learn to love and respect them as our equals. Happy chanuyakah day 7, Mordy!"

The Hebrew Hammer begins with this speech by a teacher who represents "Hanukkah Past". For us Jews it kind of encapsulates the whole idea of being "tolerated" at Christmas time. Of course things have changed (sort of) since then, but I don't think I'm alone in the frustration over being merely tolerated in American society. And that's why I like this movie so much. Sure, it plays on on a lot of Jewish stereotypes, but that's a means to an end.

That end is so that we can have this little conversation about being tolerated.

tol·er·ance

noun /ˈtäl(ə)rəns/  tolerances, plural The ability or willingness to tolerate something, in particular the existence of opinions or behavior that one does not necessarily agree with - the tolerance of corruption - an advocate of religious tolerance The capacity to endure continued subjection to something, esp. a drug, transplant, antigen, or environmental conditions, without adverse reaction - the desert camel shows the greatest tolerance to dehydration - species were grouped according to pollution tolerance - various species of diatoms display different tolerances to acid

Google seems to be under the impression that tolerance is the ability to put up with something that sucks: corruption, dehydration, pollution, and acid. So, because my religion doesn't suck. Because my holidays don't suck, because I don't suck as a person and am in no way similar to corruption, dehydration, pollution, or acid: STOP tolerating me.

You know what would be a whole lot better? Being accepted. Not being told, "Merry Christmas" by someone who knows I'm Jewish, because it's more important for the dominant Roman paradigm to subvert my people's attempts to stand up for ourselves and refuse to celebrate the holiday of another people. Hanukkah is out holiday this time of year. It may not be as important as Yom Kippur or Passover, but it is important because this holiday represents a people's refusal to be subjugated and forced to celebrate someone else's holiday.

So, stop tolerating me. If you don't like that I have a holiday that celebrates my people's differentness in a homogenized society, get over it. Don't tolerate it like some tension headache. Get over it. Move on. I don't tolerate Christmas, I even participate in some celebrations of it. If you don't like the "politically correct" greeting "happy holidays", get to know me well enough to wish me a "Happy Hanukkah and a Happy Secular New Year".

Or save yourself some effort and just get over it.

Debt: The Real American Way

Natalia got me going on this topic, so read her piece first.

I graduated from college in 2007, and got a job later that year that didn't pay enough that I was able to pay my student loans, which at the time totaled somewhere around $45,000. The majority of my student loans are federal loans, subsidized and unsubsidized Stafford loans, which are guaranteed by the federal government. My Stafford loans and one private loan are serviced by Sallie Mae, and since 2007 over $9,000 has been added to my total amount owed in "capitalized interest". That's a nearly 25% increase in total amount owed in just 4 years.

The other loan, a Perkins loan, which is also a federal loan, and is serviced by the school that I attended, has accrued less than 10% "capitalized interest" in the same amount of time. Granted, it's a much smaller loan, but my point still stands.

It could be argued that this is my own doing. After all, I went to college. I got a degree in something other than finance (which is the only thing that our society values), and was unable to find a job that paid me sufficiently to make payments on my student loans when I was working full time. It could be argued that I am to blame because I chose to start a business rather than scratching my eyes out to try to get another J-O-B after being laid off in 2009.

However, what cannot be argued is that my debt wouldn't have increased by a CAR (which I don't have) if I had been making payments all this time. Even if I had been paying some $600 a month for my student loans for the last 4 years, nearly a third of that $600 monthly payment would have gone toward INTEREST.

It doesn't matter who you are, that's usury.

I'm far from innocent in all of this. I know that I am responsible for my student loans and I intend to pay them back, not because any of that money has any value in my life, but because I spent 4 years living in a Bohemian paradise (as much as I might like to complain about it...), and that experience will end up being worth far more than whatever I will end up paying to Sallie Mae. However, many people are in much worse places than I am, and the fact that debt is what's discouraging Americans from becoming more educated is disgraceful. It's disgusting, and corporations like Sallie Mae who are "servicing" tax payer dollars should be ashamed of themselves, and quite possibly dismantled. (SOCIALISM! There, I yelled it for you so you don't have to waste your precious time in the comments.)

The people who should profit from educating Americans are teachers, not corporations. Sallie Mae did nothing to enhance my educational experience, and so they should be charging less interest on my student loans than the school I went to has charged.

Fortunately, no one I know is without some amount of debt either from a mortgage (that is worth more than the house its for) or student loan debt (more than one of my friends owes more than double what I do!), or even credit cards. So, debt is the American Way. That's it. Debt.

Hooray.

A Mary Kay consultant walks into a bar...

A while back I watched a TED presentation (and I don't remember who the presenter was) on marketing. He talked about marketing businesses from the inside out, that is, start with the WHY you're working toward a particular goal, then how you'll do it, and then focus on the what.

In my business, the what is fashion, the how beauty, and the why is wisdom.

"Uhm... what?"

Fashion is the strategic application of potions, acids, razors, tweezers, waxes, pigments, and fabrics.

Beauty is a desire to present one's best and most authentic self.

Wisdom is the knowledge that each person's best, most authentic self is different.

I have chosen a job in the fashion industry because I know that everyone's best self is a little different, and that we each have an innate beauty that should be expressed and I make it my business to help everyone I know to have greater access to their own authentic beauty. See, it's not about the potions and the pigments that I happen to sell and give great advice about, it's about knowing who each one of my clients is and telling her that she's amazing and deserves to be expressed.

I realize that most of the rest of the fashion industry is not like this, and that more people focus on decoration rather than beauty, but that's never been my why. The decorations don't matter. A woman who never shaves and just wants to take care of her skin and let it age gracefully is just as beautiful to me as someone who uses the entire age-fighting line, has as many eye shadows and lipsticks as I do, and always updates her colors with the season.

If I was driven by profit, (which, capitalism, yay; but I'm not), one of these women would hold more value, and it would be the one who spends more money. If I was driven by fashion (which, decoration, yay; but I'm not), one of these women would hold more value: the one that uses more makeup. My drive is beauty, though. No one that I've consulted in my career holds more value than anyone else, because each has thought, "well, she seems kinda crazy, but not in a bad way... and I do have skin," then agreed to be consulted by me, tried product, liked or hated it, and gotten one step closer to the expression of her most authentic self. (At least I hope she did.)

The other thing is, (as you can tell by reading anything else I've ever written), I'm not your typical fashionista, your typical Mary Kay consultant, or even your typical direct-sales-force member. I'm a little different. I recognize that everyone has their own individual flare, and some will reach people that I can't, but that I will be able to reach people that others can't. And I'm okay with that because there are people who are turned off by my industry because of the cookie-cutter ideals: every woman must wear makeup, women who don't are [whatever] and need help, every woman needs to be decorated.

I don't agree with the prevailing (that's the word I was looking for!) ideas of the fashion industry that "beauty" is interchangeable with "fashion" or "decoration". It's not. Beauty is innate. Fashion takes work and effort. All you have to do to be beautiful is treat yourself with kindness, be healthy, and have a good attitude. No one needs makeup or high heels; no one needs to be trendy to be beautiful.

I hear "I don't use makeup" all the time as an excuse of why someone doesn't want to try something new. It doesn't bother me that these women don't use makeup, and most of the time I'll say, "but you've got skin, don't you?" Liven things up a little. The fact of the matter is, it doesn't affect me at all how any other person chooses to decorate her- or him- or hirself. I only ever ask people to try my product if I think they're cool and might be receptive to me helping to access their own already existing beauty. I couldn't make anyone beautiful if I tried, like the pyschologist's lightbulb, a person must want to be beautiful.

So, if you ever find yourself in a conversation with a Mary Kay consultant, remember this: she thinks you're great and wants you to think it too. That's why.

Monogamy doesn't work

Ha! Made ya look!

One thing I've learned about blogging it's that (1) the more inflammatory your post-title the more people are going to read it. In a similar vein, (2) if you make broad, sweeping generalizations based on a biased sample size, you'll garner even greater readership. And if readers were nickels, I'd have about 75 cents.

Anyway, I've been out of the bloggosphere for a while, but every now and then, an article comes across my Facebook feed, and I read it just to make sure I still can get mad at stupid things. Most of the time it doesn't work, and I juts roll my eyes (good exercise), but today is Labor Day, so I have a bit of time for a bit of snark. This post over at Poly In the Media, concerns a stupid post by a person who has also learned rules 1 and 2 stated above, and decided that it was a good idea to blog about something where she had no real expertise or experience. (Suffice to say she has heard about "open marriages" and thinks that they are scary.)

The main point of her article "Why 'Open' Marriages Don't Work" is a valid one: people sometimes go into swinging (which is what I think she means when she speaks of ""open marriages"" - double quotes because I'm quoting her scare quotes too) without thinking about the emotional repercussions. Now, to say that initial foolishness in a venture means that that venture is always doomed is kind of silly. Just about every type of innovation ever seen by the human race has been met by someone calling it foolish.

She goes on to be rather silly, saying that once an emotional bond is formed between one primary partner and a (what we're now calling) satellite partner, a triad is formed (not true) and that is dangerous (not true) because, and I'm paraphrasing, you will never be able to love your mom as much as you love your dad. Paging Dr. Freud? Someone never made it past the early 1900s in their "History of Psychology" online course at Devry.

Now, I know that this silly person isn't talking about my relationship style. She's talking about a very specific kind of relationship style. One wherein the partners may sleep with whomever they wish, and where emotional connections with the "satellite" partners (and I really am offended by this term, I have to say) are verboten. This does not describe my relationship style, nor the styles of relationships of any number of people that I spend time with in the poly community (most of that time is spent not having sex, if you must know). So, I'm not sure why the poly community is upset about this article.

I'm also puzzled by there being enough "angry phone calls" to merit Psychology Today taking down the original post. Being any kind of sexual minority (female, gay, non-monogamous) does tend to make one a bit of an activist, but there was an insistence on being civil and articulate in response to this article... so, I guess PT doesn't really get that dissent != hatred and anger. Whatever.

Anyway, the lesson to be learned here is this: bloggers are silly people who say silly things because one day they think that they'll be on Oprah or Countdown. This is, in fact, a very significant problem in our society: people make sweeping generalizations so they can get a rise out of others and eventually use their intellectual prowess to win an argument on the internet with someone they don't know. I know it's a problem, I've done it myself and it turns you into a really annoying person.

Also, we need to learn to be a little more specific in our language. ""Open marriage"" can mean a lot of things, but when you put it in scare quotes like that, it means swinging. Not polyamory. So, really, unwad your panties before you say something stupid.

The thing about taxes

Think about your checkbook for a minute. There are things you have to spend money on:

• Mortgage/rent
• Phone
• Electricity/gas/water/sewer/garbage
• Credit Cards
• Car payment/maintenance/fuel
• Food
• Health care

And there are things you like to spend money on:

• Clothing
• Entertainment
• Being clean and having nice skin

You find all the money to pay for these things by having a job. You provide a service to an employer or clients/customers, and they pay you. That's how it works. If the cost of your bills go up, you might try to cut back your spending in he optional areas -- like, maybe you won't buy new clothes -- and there are some things that are super-necessary that you might be able to reduce by moving things around -- like you might decide to find cheaper health insurance, or drive less, or conserve electricity.

But if you try to reduce spending by refusing to pay your bills, you're just being irresponsible. And in most cases, when you need more money you find some way to earn more money. You might ask for a raise. You might find a second job. You might cash out some of your investments or dip into savings (if you have any). As a last resort, you might try to coast on your credit cards until things get better.

Usually, if you ask for a raise or get a different or second job, your problems end up leveling out financially. Cashing out investments or savings creates problems down the road, and you end up having to earn double to replace what you took out. Meanwhile, trying to live on credit cards for too long is going to land you in bankruptcy court.

So, think for a minute about the government. There are things that the fed has to spend money on (as defined in the Preamble to the Constitution):

• Forming a more perfect union
• Establishing justice
• Ensuring domestic tranquility
• Providing for the common defense
• Promoting the general welfare
• Securing the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our prosperity

And there are things we like to spend money on:

• Helping our neighbors when they're in trouble or struggling
• Encouraging innovation in the private sector

And federal, state, and local governments pay for these things by having a job. Unlike us as individuals, though, "paying the bills" as it were, is the job in question; also unlike us as individuals (or corporations), the government isn't supposed to make more money than it needs to do its job. But, when the output becomes higher than the income, more people are in trouble.

As citizens and constituents, we are the boss of the government. We pay the government to do its job. That's what taxes are. That's why the people who wrote our founding documents made sure to put a little note in Article I, Section VIII that "Congress shall have Power to lay and collect Taxes". So, when the bills start piling up, the best option for this particular checkbook, is to ask for a raise (raise taxes) or find another job (lay new taxes).

The other thing the government could do is cash out its investments, by cutting spending on education. But, as we've already established with our own checkbooks, is a bad idea. However, this is an even worse idea on a federal level, because reducing spending on things like education reduces the earning potential of the next generation; which obviously compounds problems down the road.

Finally, governments can try to live off credit cards and loans from other countries (which is what the go-to policy has been for the last 30 years). And look where it's gotten us.

Instead of being responsible with spending on essentials (like NOT spending trillions of dollars on wars that we had no business waging), or asking to be paid what it's worth (raising taxes), or finding alternate sources of revenue; governments have been living off credit cards and are now trying to cash out their investments (education, social security, medicare, etc) in order to make ends meet.

But there's a very simple solution. Some of the government's employers (like the top 1% of income earners) and clients (giant corporations) haven't been paying the fed for the work it does, and if those employers would just pay their taxes, we'd have enough money to pay all of our bills, and maybe get some health insurance.

F*** you, from Art

Dennis Prager has his panties in a wad because rap artists swear too much, but are still intellectually capable of making good music. I'm reasonably certain that my comment on the article won't make it passed the screeners at the National Review, so here are my thoughts, with notes.

Why is it such a big deal that a music video by a black artist has an all-black cast? No one's panties ever get in a twist about a music video by white artists having all-white casts. [Notice how he never actually illuminates why this is a problem.]

Further, I will speak to the only song on the list I have heard. Eminem's song "Love the Way You Lie" is an amazing portrayal of the emotional tumult one goes through when involved in an abusive relationship. As such, it is not only appropriate, but necessary for the F-word to be used in the lyrics. The thing about art is that sometimes it deals with things that are icky, because art is a necessary expression of the world the way it is seen by the artists' eyes. Pieces that deal with volatile subject matter necessitate swearing in order to get the point across that sometimes life is awful.

When an artist is telling their own story about how their lives have been challenging, it isn't simply moral degradation that causes said artist to swear, but the fact that they are reflecting a culture that is degrading. Art is not something that is subject to the delicate sensibilities of Dr. Prager, because the minds of artists don't get run passed society's self-appointed content-screeners before being published; just as what actually occurs in their lives that inspires these depictions is not passed by anyone, save g-d, perhaps.

In truth, it is not swearing which belies the moral degradation of our society, it is the poverty in which too many Americans grow up that demonstrates that we are a broken nation. It is the unwillingness of certain groups of people to accept the basic humanness of other groups of people, simply because their skin is a different color, or their religion is different or because they love a person of the same gender. You want to talk about moral degradation? Spend a night on the street with a homeless vet whose mind was annihilated during war. Take a look into the lives of teenage girls who are forced into prostitution either by coercive violence or because an adult got her hooked on meth. Then tell me it's inappropriate for an artist to repeatedly use the F-word in a song.

Rap music isn't the cause of moral degradation and it's not even the result of it. It's the artistic depiction of the horrors that escape persons of privilege, like Dr. Prager who cannot see four feet in front of their own faces.